Joys of Parenting: Learning from our Kids

  Today after a fantastic story time at our local library, the boy and I headed to the children's section for a little bit of play time.  Our library is just the coolest.  The children's section is surrounding with hollow trees for forting, and filled with super modern fancy toys for playing.
  At this point most of the moms and kids from story time had migrated for a few extra minutes of play, and the boy had made friends with another little kid about his age.  They played great together and were really having a great time, when I saw it from across the room….  The little boy open his mouth in a great big belly laugh, and it was right there glaring at me, front and center and all alone.  This poor little boy had no front teeth except for one lonely gold tooth.  I was so distracted by it that I almost missed the look on Ashyr's face.  He as floored and completely excited!
  "Dude! Do you have a gold tooth?" he said to the boy.
  "Yes."
  Ash just stared at him in amazement.  I got a sinking feeling in my gut that he was going to say something that would totally embarrass me or him or the kid.  Instead he asked, "Are you a Pirate?"  The little boy just looked at him sideways and then continued to play.  They continued to make their pretend laser guns that shot flowers as I sat and watched while reading my Colorado Parenting Magazine.
  The boys were playing great.  Keeping themselves in control, following my rules of not pointing their pretend guns at anyone, and really just being good little boys.  And that's when I heard the ridicule coming from the two hefty, sweat pant wearing,  scrunchi clad moms.  Back and forth they said to each other that they were "never going to let their little boys (who each appeared to be about a year old) play with guns.  There is no reason to make believe with guns." and they went on to say things about how "I should be ashamed that these boys played like that and the only reason to use a gun was to kill an animal." I was completely in shock that I was hearing all of this.
  The entire time they were speaking to each other about me as if I were not sitting right there in ear shot of them.  I bit my tongue (and text mean things about them to my bff).  I couldn't believe that these two shulmpadinka's were questioning my parenting.  I must also interject here that while my overly intelligent son played very nicely with his new friend and his pretend flower producing laser gun, one of these ladies kids got almost half way out the library door before someone brought the one year old back to his mother, and the other child stood and watched on while chewing on a book.  But my point is that I couldn't stop thinking judgmental things in a defense for their negative words.
  Meanwhile, back to my awesome kid….
  I decided to focus my attention back on Ashyr's positive actions and behaviors with his new snaggle toothed buddy.  At this point they had shaken hands and decided that they were new best library friends.  Ashyr then politely introduced himself, "I'm Ashyr, what's your name?"
  The little boy replied, "I'm Robert Paul."
  Shock came over Ash's face and he said "Man, with a name like Robert Paul, and teeth like those, I bet you would make one great Pirate."
  I died.
  And Capitan Robert Paul laughed.
  Then I learned a really important lesson about judgement from an almost 5 year old.

Good Morning Silver Lining-ers!

Well good morning. If you follow me of Facebook and you are neurotic about checking all your social media as soon as you wake up, then you know that I went on a rant at 5:30am about not sleeping and being generally pissed with the universe. As if dreaming about teeth crumbling out of my mouth and trying to repair them with super glue wasn't bad enough... then the icing on the cake of being forced awake by a hot stream of piss on my back. Mind you this was his third accident of the night. 

With no dry spot left for me to go back to sleep I decided that I MUST turn my day around. So I grabbed the dog and my first cup of coffee and headed straight or the intercostal. Do you know how long it's been since I actually watched the sunrise? Like start to finish. Every spectrum of red, purple, and orange filled the sky. Well it tried to fill the sky. That bitch 'the universe' was waving her middle fingers at me with her cloud cover. 

But you know what? Who cares. I found my silver lining. Sunrise. Check. First cup of coffee alone in peace an quite. Check. One on one time with my explorer dog. Check. 

Mean while its now 7am. I am ready for my incredibly long day of being stranded at home with a nutty almost 4 yr old. But you know what? At least half the laundry is already done...since I was up all night washing sheets.  See what I did there? Looking for the positive. 

Silver lining bitches. 

Joys of Parenting: I love you, but I don't have to like you.

This morning I walked in on the boy about to chuck a skate board at my cowering dog.

Is it any wonder why she's starting a new regime of Prozac?

Honestly, I am not sure how I have remained Prozac free till this point!

Anyway back to the cowering dog....

In an instant I was scared for her safety,

mortified in thinking that my son might be a serial killer, 

(because I have seen every episode of Dexter, and isn't this how it all started)

and I was screaming "STOP" at the top of my lungs.

All of those emotions were wrapped up in a general feeling of WTF is going on here.

Needless to say, a time-out was in order, which was pre-ceeded by one of the boys current hobbies:

"The Balls to The Wall, I am going to Fuck Your Day UP, Mega Tantrum"

While lengthy, that is actually the official name.  This tantrum will have you pacing the kitchen wondering why people have children.  You will start thinking of all your kid-free friends, jealous of what they are doing on the sunny Friday morning.  Because what ever it is, it's got to be better than this.

After I had taken my punches and scratches, and warngled him back into his room for a "big time-out"came the onslaught of "I hate you"'s and "I want a new mom"'s.  Really kid?  What have I done wrong here? 

 I have learned that the best way for me to cope with this is to stand directly on the other side of the wall, well out of sight, and then just give him the old double bird.  That's right folks, I flick my kid off when he's not watching.  And it helps.

I then pro-ceeded to deep clean my kitchen and mop the entire house.  If you live under the Trumble roof, you know that the more vigorously I am cleaning, the more pissed I am.  There is a direct correlation.  This is when I think of all you non-breeders again.  Your damn happy hours and adult conversations. 

One 20 minute temper tantrums, and One clean house later, it all changed. 

One stinking Facebook Status turned my day around.

It dropped into my lap like a gift from above...

A sign of hope.

Word that a fellow Mommy of an almost 4 year old boy understands.  It's like she's sending me smoke signals.  It either translates: 

It's O.K!

I want to kick his ass.

or

We will be O.K!

This too shall pass.

I am not sure, I was never to good with smoke signals, or morris code for that matter, but I am pretty sure it was the latter.  Either way, I knew I wasn't alone.  Her little dude was giving her a run for her money.  And whether she realized it or not this meant that we were in it together.  She gave me hope.  We could do this. We could get passed the whole WWF dog situation.  We could start fresh with our day.  And I'll be damned if we didn't turn that B around.  

In the end I realized two things,

1.  I will always love you little boy, but I don't always have to like you.

2.  No matter how pissed you make me, you always know how to turn that around.

And hey, the silver lining, my kitchen is spotless!

Joys of Parenting

Take Your Moment

Some days, you just have to take a moment....

straight "thinking man" style.

Parenting an almost 4 year old boy is tough.

Especially when he's a strong willed,

stubborn assed, shit talkin' little monkey.

Today,

the boy got kicked out of swim lessons.

It's still unclear if that meant for the day or for forever.

Either way I am certain that we are not going back.

I won't go into all the nitty gritty details,

the point was this....

My son was dismissed from the lesson.

He threw the temper tantrum of all tantrums.

I freaked out.

I dragged him to the car kicking and screaming....

he was the one doing the kicking.

He kicked.

I screamed.

He kicked.

I screamed.

Once we were all seat belted into opposite corners of the car.

The grown up in me kicked in,

and realized that unless we took a moment, we were getting no where.

I insisted that we have a serious 

time out.

We both closed our eyes.

Then took a series of deep breaths and squeezed on some pressure points.

Once we both calmed down it completely dawned on me.

My child was not in the wrong.

He interpreted her instructions a certain way based on the criticism 

that she had given to the other students in his lesson.

She was the one who really freaked out by yanking him out of the pool.

Like I said, I am not going to go into all of it.

The moral is that grown ups need time outs too.

Our heads can get so clouded with all the chaos that 

sometimes we neglect to see the obvious situation.

So from that point on today,

I have been remembering to stop.

Take some time for just me.

Clear my head.

Re-acess the situation.

Take some really deep inhales

and some really really big exhales.

Get rid of that nasty energy,

and move on.

So, moms and dads of like minded 4 year olds,

 take your moment.

p.s. I am loving my newly re-fashioned hat!

Joys of Parenting: Proof

Sometimes my boy needs proof.

Proof that I am more than just his Mommy.

Proof that I was a child once too.

Proof that 'I can!".

We were wondering around the park,

playing, running, jumping, watching,

when we came across this perfect Flamboyant Tree.

I told him that he should try to climb it.

I then proceeded to pick him up and hang him from a branch.

He didn't care for it much...

I little to far from the ground I suspect.

Then I told him that I could climb it.

His response was priceless.

"Mom, No you can't!"

Well that was all it took.

I dropped my water bottle, keys, and my phone and 

I jumped right up into that tree.

His jaw hit the floor and he immediately grabbed my phone.

"I need a picture of this to show Daddy!"

Proof.

Joys of Parenting: (Super)Hero

This morning I was shaken from an almost perfect nights sleep by a little boy foot drop kick to the face! Rise and shine! All of us piled on top of each other.  Trying to regulate a grouchy dog, a grouchy mom, a grouchy dad, and a wide awake toddler has become sort of a regular morning routine.  So I started with the bribes and threats.  I was trying to buy myself just five more minutes, when my little monster informed me that he had a tummy ache.  "Mom, my tummy hurts so bad because I am so hungry." says the boy.

So as the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks at the realization that maybe I hadn't fed him enough the night before, I pried myself from my cozy nest of pillows and blankets to make him something to eat.  Like a zombie I dragged myself to the kitchen, wondering why the sun wasn't up yet.  I threw some frozen pancakes into the toaster oven and proceeded to the coffee (which I always manage to mess up when I am that tired). Ding. Now I had pancakes and strawberries on the table, coffee grounds on the floor, and my eyes still closed.

Breakfast ended after three half eaten bites.  Three. That was all.  Then I was informed that he was too full.  I wanted to scream! But settled for cartoons and coffee that was too hot to drink.  As we sat there snuggled on the sofa, the bot turned up and looked at me and said: "Mom, you are my hero!"

I was in disbelief. His hero? What did I do? So I asked him.  Well turns out that hero keep people from starving to death! So there it was.  I stood there over my next steaming cup of coffee, donning my imaginary tights and cape, saving the universe at 6am....one half eaten pancake at a time.

joys of parenting: facing your fears

so i need to start this story by telling you one very important fact about me: i am terrified of birds. not just like "ew..i don't like birds".....it's more of a scared shitless crippling fear. but for some reason, when the boy asked me if we could go feed the ducks i said yes. it is very important to me that i don't project my weirdness on him. he needs to decide for himself how he feels about those incredibly unpredictable feathered creatures.

so we got to the lake where we were greeted at the car by a flock of ibis. i have come to terms with ibis. we have them in our yard all the time and for some reason i am ok with them. so at this point i am thinking: "it's going to be ok erin....you can do this for the boy".  these ibis were not scared of us one bit (i kind of wish they had been), instead they were quite fond of us.

 the flock followed us from our car....

...and across the street (traffic literally stopped)....

...where it all converged in one giant flock. there were ibis, ducks, seagulls, crows.....you name it. every bird within a 10 mile radius showed up for this feast. and all i could think about was getting my eyes plucked out.

so we started with the bread. at first i was handing it to the boy to toss. then i realized he wasn't much of a tosser and all the birds were getting closer and closer.  i mean these guys were literally stepping on us and pecking at our legs to get at the bread. this is when the paralyzing fear really took over and i snatched the bread bag from the boys hand and frantically started throwing it as far from us as i could.  the ugly ducks didn't stand a chance at the bread. they were too slow next to their feathered friends the seagulls. so instead of even trying to go for it the just stood at our feet hissing and nipping.  all i could think about was what the boy would think about his mother if i was forced to drop kick a duck.

alas the feeding frenzy was over and we survived. this little guy stuck around with us the entire time though. i am pretty sure he was the one to first greet us at the car.

then i let the boy loose to chase the birds and ducks. this was my favorite part. all the fear that they had instilled in me was coming back to them in the form of a wild 2 year old.

 then came the squirrel.

this little critter was brave. we backed down way before he did. i really thought he was going to crawl up the leg of my pants.

this little lady was sweet and i really wished that we had saved some bread for her. she waddled up after all the chaos was over just quacking away.

the moral of the story is that sometimes we have to face our fears for our children, and as promised we will return next tuesday with a bag of bread to feed the ducks again. it's like exposure therapy. hehe.

joys of parenting: that boy is hangry

urban dictionary defines hangry as the state of being so hungry that it causes you to become angry, frustrated, or in some cases....both. while i don't always go to urban dictionary for an accurate account of a word.....this one is spot on.

the boy is growing. and fast! i have been using this word, "hangry", to describe the way he's been acting lately. have you ever seen a really well behaved boy turn monster in the blink of an eye? hangry! have you ever seen a boy tell his mommy that he loves her so much right before taking a chomp at her arm? hangry! how about a full on melt down cured by a pbj? hangry! the boy has a case of the hangries.

now, i want to clear one thing up....i am not starving my child! he eats. at this point i am positive that he eats more than i do.  he eats at least half of our grocery bill. the problem is that he's a snacker. he would rather sit on the couch with a bowl full of snacks than sit at the table and eat a five corse meal. and he's not getting the proper fulfillment from all this snacking. i am also well aware that we (me and the hubs) are the source of this snack attack problem. we too are snackers. we come from a long line of snackers....but the empty snacking is stoping here! starting today! the boy started the morning with a nice breakfast, followed by a snack at the park of watermelon, apples, and peas....then he ate an enormous lunch and has quietly settled down for a nap. we have had a full belly all day and no freak outs or melt downs! none. not one. so far my theory is correct and working.

i am feeling the need to interject another disclaimer here....i know that this is no new information. as a matter of fact i am sure that there are plenty of moms reading this thinking "no shit....feed your kid healthy food." that's a no brainer. and we do. in general, he's an amazing eater. he loves veggies and fruits and meats. he eats a very balanced, adventurous, and well rounded diet for a boy his age.  he just had his order backwards....snacking before meals instead of after them.

so in the endless journey of trying to find peace and balance with a two and a half year old, i will try just about anything....and this time around it's finding the cure for the case of the hangries.

joys of parenting: butt snot

the amount of shit you put up with as the mother of a two year old boy is never discussed before you decide to have children. and i mean that in the poopiest! messiest! grossest! way possible. that is your warning! if you don't want to have an open conversation about the shitings of a two year old.....i'll see you later.

potty training is going pretty well. we've been at it now for about 2 months. we have had minimal public accidents. we need to replace only one carpet in the house. and he's pooped in the can....um once. every other single poop has been an "accident".....a really flippin' gross accident. let me tell you how hard it is to pry turd filled underpants off a kid that can't stand still. it really brings a whole new meaning to skid marks. and i am not going to lie....there have been a hand full that we've just looked at and said: "f@$% no i am not cleaning that out"....trashed. also i feel the need to share the face that my favorite kind of poop accident is the "naked drop" (our house is 95% tarrazzo floors...so it's a quick and easily sanitized clean up).  everybody poops.....so as a reasonably intelligent adult, i knew that when in the process of potty training, well, i was going to have to clean shit up along the way.

but what no body tells you about is what happens when you have non-healthy poops.  for the past two weeks the boy has had a mysterious and might i add random butt snot issue. i don't want to freak anyone out....he's doing fine. the doctor is leaning more towards some kind of allergy because he was never really sick. and since starting him on a kids probiotic, things are really starting to shape up.....literally. what is my gut telling me? well the boy has been in daycare now for just a bit over a month....i think that all the crap that they feed them at school is tearing his tummy up.  the daycare offers a state funded meal plan. so they feed him breakfast, lunch, and a snack. the day we had to pick him up early from school for having too much butt snot, he was being fed fritos and pineapple chunks.  that was the state issued snack? wtf? wtf on so many levels! i have since convinced the boys doctor to write a note to his school saying that i will be providing his meals so that we can monitor that crap that is being introduced to him.

i try to feed my family fairly healthy....i wouldn't say that i am a nut about it. i love more than anyone in this house our rapidly growing tradition of saturday pizza night. hell, as i am writing this i am eating a plater of fried spicy cheese balls (that's what she said) for dinner.  but i have never really been one to expose the boy to a lot of crap food. really because i believe that he loves real food too much to ruin it for him. i will gladly pack that boys lunch for the rest of his life. i feel so terrible for his little tummy. i mean really take yourself there....shit your brains out the house a bag of fritos and the eat your share of pineapple....tell me how that works out for you.

shit happens. a whole lot of it. and it's going to get on things. it will for sure get under your nails at some point. you will smell it on something or someone for way to long before you realized it's smeared on your very own arm. hey sometimes the dog even  eats it. but once the stink wears off there is the sweetest little boy who has me wrapped around his finger. i will shovel his shit and make his lunch for the rest of his life if he wants me to.

10 things i couldn't live without this week:

1. antibiotics. i am not normally one to take a lot of medication. as a matter of fact, i kind of hate it. i'd rather have a cup of soup, hot tea, and vitamin c. but after many days of trying to heal myself the "homemade" way i gave up. but i am feeling much better now.

2. lots of movies and popcorn. the boy was such a trooper this week. he knew i felt like crap, and he did his best to take it easy with me.

3. the boy had his trial gymnastics class this week. it was an awesome evening of flips and jumps and joy. he loved the class and has been begging to go back ever since. can't wait until october when his class starts.

4. feeling better i finally made it back to ballet. ugh....it's amazing what 13 days of illness will do to a person. it was tough, but i made it through the class. it felt amazing to be back.

5. the boy and i made plans with some friends to go to leapin' lizards for a play date this week. the best part was that the hubs surprised us and met us for some hanging out and jumping around! love that man.

6. saturday morning at 8am came very early this week, but what more could you ask for than the hubs and the boy already smelling of sunscreen and sporting their bathing suits jumping on the bed chanting "beach! beach! beach!" we got the best parking spot at the beach, dug an impressive hole, swam, skimboarded. it was a perfect early morning beach trip.

7. i went grocery shopping alone this week....enough said.

8. date night! the hubs and i decided with all my feeling under the weather and about to leave for another week....date night was in order! we planned to see a movie...that didn't work. so then we tried to have dinner at our new favorite spot...kitchen was closed. so we ended up at our favorite little irish pub eating fried foods and drinking beers with friends!

9. you ever set a plan that completely falls through but you end up having a blast getting distracted. this morning we tried to go buy a beach umbrella (that is much harder than you would think) and a velcro toss toy (also impossible to find) to take to the beach. we ended up driving all over town in monsoon rain storms and playing tag in gander mountain. oh it was a blast.

10. my new candy necklace. yum.

joys of parenting: dealing with bullies

i want to start this post off by saying that i need your advice. i know that a lot of my readers are parents and for those of you who are not, maybe you will have some great outside knowledge to share too.

the boy and i were at the park the other day. he had brought one of his race cars to play with. well a group of older boys, probably about 6-ish, saw that car and wanted it. and so the taunting began. the older boys took his car and proceeded to play with it. my boy chased them all over the playground, and you could tell he just really wanted to play with them. the whole situation turned into a giant game of "keep the car away from the little kid".

watching this all happen made me very anxious. i sat on the edge of the bench ready to pounce on the first one to lay a hand on my son. i was having an internal moral dilemma. "should i just jump in and put a stop to the whole thing and remove the boy and his car?" the boy didn't seem to mind that the older kids were playing with his car, he just wanted to be a part of the action. "do i let the boy figure it out on his own?" would this teach him the importance of problem solving. i kept having mental images of the boy as a teenager running to me to fight all his battles, and god knows that's not what i want to happen.

so what do you think? how would/do you deal with taunting and bullies? how do you walk the fine line of parenting and over-protecting? how do you create a son that knows how to stand up for himself without creating a bully of your own?

joys of parenting: boy things

i was quickly reminded today of the rhyme: boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails.

in a morning full of 2 year old melt downs, peace was found outside. there really is very little that taking a few minutes outside can not fix. the problem is that the weather is hot, sticky, and humid beyond any sort of comfortable level. so as the boy ran in circles in the backyard i hid in the minimal amount of shade provided by the side of the house. and then pure mindless joy was discovered by the boy. he sat there and picked every snail that was in reach off the side of the house. one by one they were plucked from their safe spot on the wall, inspected, talked to, and then placed into a pail.

up until this point i was totally cool with the snail gut covered fingers and pail full of bugs. i feel like i need to add a disclaimer here....i have nothing against bugs, worms, slugs, snails ect....as long as the are outside my house!

then the pail came inside. i instantly let out and inner yelp. the hubs told him to bring them inside. so i was faced with a moral dilemma. while i was completely freaked out, i didn't want to contradict what the hubs already said was ok. so we reached a compromise. the snails could stay, but they had to stay on the counter. this way i could make sure none of them escaped or were set free. i kept having these horror movie visions of waking up in the morning to millions of snails crawling up the walls inside the house. it took a lot of will power to not throw them out back immediately.

so they stayed on the counter for a while. and as soon as the boys interest shifted over to his trains i set my slimy friends free.

the boy and i each learned important lessons today. the boy learned that inner peace can be found in snail collecting and i learned that the snails are not going to take over my house and attack.....at least no within 20 minutes.