Wednesday, November 9, 2011

joys of parenting: butt snot

the amount of shit you put up with as the mother of a two year old boy is never discussed before you decide to have children. and i mean that in the poopiest! messiest! grossest! way possible. that is your warning! if you don't want to have an open conversation about the shitings of a two year old.....i'll see you later.

potty training is going pretty well. we've been at it now for about 2 months. we have had minimal public accidents. we need to replace only one carpet in the house. and he's pooped in the once. every other single poop has been an "accident".....a really flippin' gross accident. let me tell you how hard it is to pry turd filled underpants off a kid that can't stand still. it really brings a whole new meaning to skid marks. and i am not going to lie....there have been a hand full that we've just looked at and said: "f@$% no i am not cleaning that out"....trashed. also i feel the need to share the face that my favorite kind of poop accident is the "naked drop" (our house is 95% tarrazzo it's a quick and easily sanitized clean up).  everybody as a reasonably intelligent adult, i knew that when in the process of potty training, well, i was going to have to clean shit up along the way.

but what no body tells you about is what happens when you have non-healthy poops.  for the past two weeks the boy has had a mysterious and might i add random butt snot issue. i don't want to freak anyone out....he's doing fine. the doctor is leaning more towards some kind of allergy because he was never really sick. and since starting him on a kids probiotic, things are really starting to shape up.....literally. what is my gut telling me? well the boy has been in daycare now for just a bit over a month....i think that all the crap that they feed them at school is tearing his tummy up.  the daycare offers a state funded meal plan. so they feed him breakfast, lunch, and a snack. the day we had to pick him up early from school for having too much butt snot, he was being fed fritos and pineapple chunks.  that was the state issued snack? wtf? wtf on so many levels! i have since convinced the boys doctor to write a note to his school saying that i will be providing his meals so that we can monitor that crap that is being introduced to him.

i try to feed my family fairly healthy....i wouldn't say that i am a nut about it. i love more than anyone in this house our rapidly growing tradition of saturday pizza night. hell, as i am writing this i am eating a plater of fried spicy cheese balls (that's what she said) for dinner.  but i have never really been one to expose the boy to a lot of crap food. really because i believe that he loves real food too much to ruin it for him. i will gladly pack that boys lunch for the rest of his life. i feel so terrible for his little tummy. i mean really take yourself there....shit your brains out the house a bag of fritos and the eat your share of pineapple....tell me how that works out for you.

shit happens. a whole lot of it. and it's going to get on things. it will for sure get under your nails at some point. you will smell it on something or someone for way to long before you realized it's smeared on your very own arm. hey sometimes the dog even  eats it. but once the stink wears off there is the sweetest little boy who has me wrapped around his finger. i will shovel his shit and make his lunch for the rest of his life if he wants me to.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...